Category Archives: Disney

All You Need To Do To Dodge the Rules At Disney Is Hire A Handicapped Tour Guide

Apparently the above is the newest trend in the rich-people-go-to-Disney handbook; hiring a handicapped “tour-guide” Disney-World-Vacationsposing as a family member to escort you around the grounds and provide you with a cut-to-the-head-of-the-line pass.  It’ll run you over a thousand bucks a day, but to rich folks that don’t mind exploiting other humans, that’s A-O-K.

Disney allows each guest who needs a wheelchair or motorized scooter to bring up to six guests to skirt the long lines and enter into a more convenient entrance.  According to the New York Post, this is a sure-fire trick for the one percenters to dodge the rules.

“My daughter waited one minute to get on ‘It’s a Small World’ — the other kids had to wait 2 1/2 hours,” crowed one mom, who hired a disabled guide through Dream Tours Florida…  The woman said she hired a Dream Tours guide to escort her, her husband and their 1-year-old son and 5-year-old daughter through the park in a motorized scooter with a “handicapped” sign on it. The group was sent straight to an auxiliary entrance at the front of each attraction.

What do you think: is this a mutually agreed upon service that is mutually beneficial to each party, or does this sort of make your stomach turn?  For me, this reeks of nastiness.  If not only for exploiting other humans who may need the cash, than purely for the embarrassment of thinking this is an okay tactic to teach your kids, these families should be ashamed.  And even if the person doing the “touring” is a willing participant, it takes advantage and abuses a system that is set up to help actual real disabled guests that deserve the short lines and red carpet service.  Seriously rich snobs, just-NO.

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From Brave to Babe

Just in time for Merida, the main character of ‘Brave’s’ official coronation ceremony into the official line of Disney princessesbrave14n-1-web, Disney has decided to give her an air-brushed-esq style makeover complete with a slimmer waste, a bustier physique, doey eyes, voluptuous hair and more makeup.  Did I mention the off-the-shoulder and cleavage bearing neckline?  And in most of her new promo shots she is depicted without her weapon.  I thought the whole premise of Merida’s character was that she wasn’t the typical helpless and over-sexed princess, but instead strong, brave and more undone and normal looking.

Apparently Disney thinks that young girls need to be appealed to by sexier, glitterier characters, instead of the strong female character that Merida represented, and the only thing that needs to be undone is her blouse..  Even ‘Brave” Director, Brenda Chapman who wrote the movie and earned an Academy Award and Golden Globe, calls the new makeover, “atrocious” and “a blatantly sexist marketing move based on money…  appalling for women and young girls.”  She goes further to say, “when little girls say they like [the makeover] because it’s sparkly, that’s all fine and good, but subconsciously, they are soaking in the ‘come hither’ look and the skinny aspect of the new version.  It’s horrible- Merida was created to break that mold- to give young girls a better, stronger role model, a more attainable role model, something of substance, not just a pretty face that waits around for romance.”

I’m not sure how that’s going to work out for Disney, because welcome to the backlash fools.  I once was excited about the less sexy character, and now I realize how silly I was to put faith in Disney’s efforts, which are clearly marketing driven.

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And it’s not like I don’t believe feminine women are ‘Brave,’ but it’s that they felt the need to sex-up and make-over the not as feminine girl to something that she isn’t, or wasn’t before.  I even said in a recent blog post that people need to lay off Barbie dolls, but this is something completely different.  And as far as we think we’ve come with female characters, it’s clear that we really haven’t gone very far at all.  Merida isn’t the only female we’ve seen made-over: the modern-day Dora and Strawberry Shortcake are just a few of the childhood characters that have been given slimmer, older looking makeovers.  This isn’t even actually the first Disney Princess makeover that we’ve seen; even Cinderella and Snow White were once made over to show more cleavage, more makeup and more of a come-hither seductive look.

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I’m not the only fan to take issue with the new made over look, angry fans have created a petition and over 125,000 people have already signed it.  They are looking to get 25,000 more signatures, which I don’t think will be too hard based on my first gut reaction of outrage.  Spread the word, and let’s get Merida to look more like Merida, a beautiful princess, and not just because of her sex-appeal.

Why You Don’t Want To Date A Disney Prince

When talking to my single friends that are looking for love, I keep hearing the women ask, “Just where are all the Princes anyway?”  From the time that women are very young we expect our lives are going to end up like a Disney Movie.  We look for the handsome prince to scoop us up, sweep us off our feet, and carry us off into the sunset on the back of a white horse and onward to the castle in the sky.  Snow White sang our mantra, “Someday My Prince Will Come,” and that little tune warms our hearts and we nod with hypnotic visions of what love is supposed to be like spiraling in our eyes and unrealistic expectations in our brains.

So now when we’re in our 20’s & 30’s and 40’s and single or divorced or even in an imperfect marriage, we question: “Where is my prince, my knight in shining armor, why can’t my life be like the movies?”  Well, I’m here to say #1 we don’t live in the movies and #2 maybe the prince doesn’t really exist.  *Gasp*  The same childhood movies that fool us into thinking what a prince is really supposed to be like, is also the same movies that show us plainly that these princely guys may not be the dreamy men that we think they’re cracked up to be.

Take Snow White for example.  Her so-called “prince” is actually kind of clueless and scary.  When The Prince finds innocent Snow White in the woods after being lost and confused, he scares her half to death.  Snow White actually runs away from him.  This is where the story should end, but the Prince doesn’t take the hint at all, he shows up and kisses her when he thinks she’s dead.  This kind of freaky postmortem lust is pretty disturbing, but somehow in the story, it makes birds chirp, dwarves dance and awakens Snow White to her senses where she promptly falls head over heels for the man she ran from.  We all know a good kisser is a plus, but come on, no man, no kiss, is that good.

That brings me to Cinderella and her prince, Prince Charming. So Cinderella meets Prince Charming at the ball, he instantly falls in love with her, yet even after an entire night of dancing he doesn’t even bother to learn her name.  Jerk.  So then The Charmer has the brilliant idea of finding the girl he “loves” by proclaiming he will marry the woman who fits into the shoe he’s carrying around.  Now, how many of your friends have the same shoe size as you?  I mean, luckily he found the right woman, but what are the odds? I’m pretty sure it was basically a ploy to fulfill his foot fetish and was really willing to pick the girl with the most appealing foot.  This feeling of kismet is tempting, but keep moving Cinderella, you can do better, at the very least find a man that can recognize your face and remember your name.

Moving on to Princess Aurora and Prince Phillip. First of all, he still lives with his parents. Ugh. This tells us he probably doesn’t have a job and isn’t very ambitious. Then, he’s another one who kisses girls while they’re sleeping. This is called Date Rape, ladies. Stay away!

Moving on to Jasmine and Aladdin. Where do I start?  Aladdin is a reckless, homeless, bad boy, thief that lies about everything he is to get Jasmine to like him.  If this was real, all your girl friends would tell you how bad this guy is.  Once a liar, always a liar.  Dump him immediately.

What about Peter Pan? This guy starts the relationship off by being a creeper peeping tom watching Wendy through her windows at night.  This is not endearing ladies, this is creepy. Then we find out Peter is an immature player (hello, Tinker bell, Tiger Lilly) that refuses to act mature.  We have all dated guys like this.  All he wants to do is play video games and run around with his friends.  You can not change him. He will never grow up. Avoid!

While growing up, who hasn’t wanted to live in a magical castle. Too bad in Belle’s case this meant living with a controlling, verbally abusive, self centered monster like the Beast.  Next thing you know we’re going to see them on an episode of 20/20 with a relationship gone awry story.  I’d suggest he get anger management classes immediately and Belle get the hell out of that situation before it’s too late and things get worse.

Then we have Flynn Ryder from Tangled.  He’s another thief that gets incarcerated.  Keep moving Rapunzel, a guy with a rap sheet is not a catch.

 

 

This brings me to Prince Eric from the Little Mermaid. This guy doesn’t care about who he’s with as long as she’s a good singer. This seems very shallow to me. Eric goes back and forth from this Ursula/ Vanessa character and then to Ariel so easily, we all know he’s not being genuine with either one.  Another thing, Eric seems so clueless, that even when they’re on a date and they’re in a boat, under the glow of the moon and romantic music is playing, Ariel is dropping hints all over the place, he still can’t take the initiative and just “Kiss the Girl.” We all know this guy is a Mamma’s boy and we would totally have to do everything for him and teach him everything from scratch.  I don’t know about you, but I need a man that can do things for himself.  This guy is totally going to be leaving his clothes on the bathroom floor and knows absolutely nothing in the bedroom. No thank you.  Next. 

Then we have Captain John Smith.  First of all, he needs to respect boundaries and should not be kissing Pocahontas when she already has a boyfriend. Then, in talking to Pocahontas, he reveals his true racist feelings, saying his people have improved the lives of the “Savages.” Come on Pocahontas, don’t degrade yourself like this.  Find a man who appreciates you for you and respects your culture.

So after running down the list of all the so-called heroic princes that we all love, I have to ask the question: Are women really that naive or are we taught from our youth to pick the wrong men?  I am pleading with all women out there, please don’t be like Snow White.  Please don’t stare dreamingly up to the sky and sing how someday your prince will come and imagine being with a man that you don’t even know whether he exists or not. Get out of the house and hop on your own white horse.  Don’t dream about the castle in the sky, because this is more unrealistic that the American Dream.  We all know neither one exist in the way that fairy tales tell us they do.  I’m sure there’s a great guy out there for you, but he’s not from the Disney movies, and frankly thank God, because those guys are losers!