Why Rihanna, Why???

An estimated one in every three women worldwide are abused in some form or another.  So many women, sadly, choose to return to their abusers and there  is usually a pattern of repeat abuse that occurs when this is the case.  I cringe just a little when I see these two together.  I cringe for her, I cringe for little girls that look up to her; I cringe even for Chris Brown and men and boys like him that think that this is not a big deal. Just because people are celebrities does not mean they are perfect, it certainly doesn’t make you any wiser, and they most definitely all do not necessarily deserve to be looked at as role models.  This much is clear.

Rihanna Tweeted this intimate picture of her and Chris Brown

Rihanna Tweeted this intimate picture of her and Chris Brown

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5 responses to “Why Rihanna, Why???

  1. I wasn’t physically abused; but I was mentally & verbally abused by my ex-husband when we were married. I, too, look at Rihanna and cringe. I also cringe when I see her on-stage in her “explicit” outfits of choice. And when I listen to her songs which seem to beg for devotion, attention… and also exemplify her low self-esteem. Her songs display her need for approval and need to be the center of someone’s universe. They lack self-worth and empowerment.

    Yes, it’s hard to leave, even when you know you should. But once you do, don’t go back, thinking you are re-entering a comfort zone. There is no comfort in abuse and degradation.

  2. Too many women don’t even know they’re being abused. They think the way they’re treated is normal and acceptable.
    Then there’s the stigma of looking like a failure. Nobody wants to admit their relationship is a failure. When relationships fail, the blame game starts by everyone, friends, family, co-workers. Victims stay in a relationship because they think they’ll be blamed for the failed relationship.

    Marriage has changed over the years, women (and men) are now learning that we don’t have to tolerate abuse. Back when my grandparents were young and married, it was ok to slap the wife around a bit to “show her who’s boss”. Look at tv shows like I Love Lucy and the Honeymooners. Pow to the moon. Religion played a larger role in family dynamics, divorce was a sin and just not allowed. Women were beaten and told it was their fault for not having dinner ready on time, or speaking out when they should have been quiet. It was also legal to rape wives, after all sex was a “wifely duty” all women were supposed to give into.

    In the 60’s and 70’s things changed, women’s lib gave us power, showed us we didn’t even “need” a man to pay the bills. We were allowed to remain single, childless and work to support ourselves. Of course our parents and grandparents frowned upon that which caused guilt. Women were still stuck in abusive loveless relationships. Looking for love in all the wrong places caused women to repeat their mother’s and grandmothers mistakes.

    Nowadays, we still hear stories of abuse, starting with date rape, to murdering spouses and children. I listen to the scanner at night and hear the police going to houses all over the county for “domestic violence” calls. Some nights it’s non stop. As much as women have evolved over the years, getting the right to vote, join the military, get an education, work, etc. it still seems like we’re back in the stone ages and can be dragged off to the cave by some grunting hairy man at any time.

    The legal system has tried to change it’s tune. I remember talking to a cop in FL who told me in the south it was legal for a black man to beat his wife for a long time. Then they changed it to that if a woman called 911 to report abuse, when the cops showed up if they saw any signs of abuse, the guy would be charged even if the wife didn’t want him charged. The cops didn’t even need to see bruises or marks, they hauled the guy off to jail anyway. White women had different laws, but it’s the south, some things never change. But why is it women still have to prove they’ve been raped?

    Not sure what the answer is to stop this? Teach daughters to be strong and learn to say no? I remember Mama’s words of wisdom when I was young, she told me to learn to take care of myself so I’d never have to depend on any man to take care of me. She also told me to give a guy a good swift kick in the balls if they ever tried to do something bad to me. Over the years, I’ve had to do both on occasion.
    We also need to teach our sons it’s not nice to hit women. I’ve tried to stress this to my sons, and haven’t had to get any of them out of jail for beating women or rape.

    Stars such as Rihanna need to know the power they have over teens, more power than parents do sometimes. Doesn’t matter if it’s about sex, drugs, drinking, body size, fashion, you name it, kids will follow it. Rihanna needs help, maybe that will show kids it’s ok to ask for help. No clue. But this needs to stop somewhere.

  3. Well in spite of the perceptual risk of bias or “just not getting it” inherent in some people’s mind by my sheer possession of a Y chromosome, I will comment. 🙂

    (I guess being a man, I need to preface on the record by saying, no I have never hit my woman. Although I do know several women, whom I care about, who have been physically abused by their former husbands or boyfriends.)

    Personally “I cringe” at the suggestion by one reply writer that mental and verbal abuse is in any way equated with physical abuse. Women just need to stop that victim mentality extension. It serves neither them or this message well. One is subjective (verbal) and the other (physical) clearly is not and crosses a boundary that should never be crossed. There will always be disagreements and probably verbal exchanges in which one loses their temper and says things they probably should not have in relationships. I am sure that the writers’ husband has his own view of her verbal abuse and emotional hostage taking in their marriage, but that is not my business or purview. The bottom line is that the physical abuse must be segregated and clearly defined as unacceptable and not muddied by the other forms of perceived abuse.

    I also cringe at the point that because Rihanna wears provocative clothing, she must have low self-esteem, Daddy issues, attention begging, etc. PLEASE! She is a recording artist and a sexual presence is part of her image that she sells with her songs. This image and her vocal talent obviously appeals to a lot of people. She shouldn’t need to change who she is as an artist or how she wants to be as a woman. Moreover, she probably enjoys being very affectionate and sexual. What is wrong with that? Frankly, if more women, and men for that matter, were like that, then perhaps more relationships/marriages would stay together. If you want to emulate some behavior, then emulate being loving and sexual in the right ways. But then, that is for another discussion. 🙂

    My last point about the whole image and role model element. The problem is with the populace and our societal view, not the artists. Too many kids don’t focus enough on their own lives and developing confidence in themselves and following their own directions. Without that they naturally become too involved in and idol worship people like celebrities. As parents, we should discourage that and help ground the kids with the perspective that they (celebrities, famous people, royalty in Britain – gack!, etc.) are people just like us and others. They eat, go to the bathroom, have dreams, fears, and sadness at times just like us. They live and will die and may be nothing but a footnote someday. No one is really worthy of idol worship or too much emulation as a role model. Set your moral compass and be your own role model with your own dreams. You only have one life so don’t live it following in the shadowed path of anyone else. In the end it doesn’t matter if you are not even a footnote in history. It only matters if you truly lived and experienced all you could, made some better difference in others’ lives, and had the privilege to love deeply.

    OK, with that, this Y chromosome holder is hitting … the gym. Have at it as you wish. 🙂

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